Mostly just an angry rant.

I never knew it was possible to hate someone so much, well maybe to hate them but not to both hate them and love them in equal measure. Apparently it is possible to want to rip someone to shreds while still wanting to hold them and be with them. I'm so angry, all the time and there's really nothing I can do but try my damnedest to forget, to move on but it's hard. Damn near impossible even and I owe it all to him. I mean, I never thought I could just hate... In fact who knows maybe hate is a strong word but it doesn't feel like that to me; not right now. Hate doesn't even feel like it covers it actually.. Loath, despise... Mostly I just can't stand feeling this way. So lost, angry, confused. So many emotions to fit into one person it's almost as if sooner or later I might explode from emotional overload; stay tuned that might still happen. What's worse though, it's as if he couldn't care less. It's as if I never meant a damn thing to him and that kills me more than anything else. I mean, I'm a person! I real person, with real feelings and I am so tired of feeling like there's not a person in this world whose life is changed simply because I exist. It's a discouraging thought and if he could only for five seconds TELL THE TRUTH; to me, to himself. I mean really would it kill you? For all of 5 seconds today I at least felt like maybe he missed me but would it be too much to ask for him to actually say so? Maybe he doesn't miss me, maybe he doesn't even care and those are the thoughts I live with everyday. Wondering, hoping, second guessing.. Such is life right?